The Extraordinarily Ordinary » Self-involved

My name is Jen and I’m an introvert

jtal — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 15:21:38 +0000

“Introvert” is one of the most misunderstood words in our vocabulary. You could have knocked me over with a feather boa when, a month ago, one of my coworkers responded, “You’re not introverted!” as I used the term to describe myself. This was followed a week or so later by another coworker describing a discussion he had about me, where he claimed I was not shy and was actually quite communicative.

You see I’ve been shy all my life. Plenty of friends, I’ve just never been outgoing enough to be popular or widely noticed. I’m always surprised when people remember me from a class. It’s startling, this new image of me not as a shy little mouse, but as more of a standoffish cat who will allow you the pleasure of having your lap occupied by it it once you’ve passed inspection. And while it certainly is a function of my growing up, I think it’s more a result of my understanding of this label: introvert.

It has a vaguely negative connotation, for some reason that I can’t understand. People who are not introverted treat the word as an insult (“You’re not an introvert!” my coworker immediately exclaimed, as if coming to my defense), and people who are treat it as a chronic condition that has to be coped with all your life. No matter what anyone claims, you cannot change your vertedness from intro- to extra-. You simply get a better grasp of it.

Introverted does not mean you don’t like people. It doesn’t mean you’d rather be by yourself than with others. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to participate in class, that you don’t want to be noticed or the center of attention. It’s a description of energy — it is more natural for you to focus your energy internally, or on just one person, than to project it out to everyone around you.

For me, it takes a lot of energy to meet new people, to be in a large group, or to express myself in structured group settings. I can do it, it’s just exhausting. For a long time, I couldn’t see the benefit — why should I use up my precious energy on people I don’t even know and don’t care about? My job at an ad agency has forced me to talk to every single person in the company, to speak constantly to clients, to meet new vendors and travel to new situations. To voice my opinion in meetings. To communicate with people from different age groups and from different backgrounds. While my years here have been valuable experience to my professional development, the way they’ve forced me to grow personally is priceless.

So how did I possibly come so far, with such grace and beauty and confidence, as an introverted individual? Here are my tips on how to work through one’s introversion:

Acceptance. Repeat after me (to yourself, in your head, obviously): I am an introvert, and I am still a contributing member of society.
Don’t fight it. You are an introvert (weren’t you listening to yourself just now?). You always will be. Don’t try and force yourself to be outgoing, because you know what’s going to happen? You do know. You won’t succeed. You’ll sit there and not say anything and then you’ll feel bad and be mad at yourself for being you.
Find a benefit to exerting yourself. The only way you’ll participate is if you can identify how it will help you. You’ll get the answer to a problem. You’ll hear a really good story about someone’s life. (You’ll get to tell it later.) You’ll open doors of opportunity for yourself. You’ll start a relationship with someone who could be you future best friend, your future employer, your future husband, your future babysitter. Who knows?
Recharge. Probably the most important one for me. When I say that it’s exhausting to talk to new people, I mean it literally drains me. I’m emotionally tired, my tongue is tired, my brain is tired, my cheeks are tired, my energy is depleted. I have to restore my energy by resting in a quiet area, by myself, not having to talk to anyone. Why, right now I’m sitting in the quiet hallway of the basement of the library, outside some administrative offices. I was going to go to the cafeteria, or upstairs to a study area. But there would be too many people around dividing my attention. Even if they were being (mostly) quiet. What with all the shushing librarians. Plus there are the ghosts. There really must be ghosts in this building, it’s too spooky not to be haunted. Gee, I hope they don’t like the basement…

So there it is. If you’re introverted, I hope you can commiserate and maybe this was helpful for you. If you’re extroverted, I hope this sheds some light on the introverts around you. We live among you, sometimes out in the open, sometimes hidden behind tiring smiles. Do not be afraid of us. Give us a hug.

All my life I wanted to be a tree

jtal — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:50:54 +0000

Granted, this is a little belated but I posted it on our company blog at the appropriate time.

The first thing you should know is that Halloween is my favorite. I haven’t had a store-bought costume since age 6. And while my efforts have ranged from Miss Piggy to the Queen of Spades to Darth Maul (with an intense three-hour makeup job), my dream costume was an apple tree.

It may not sound particularly exciting, but I was in love with the idea of being so realistic that I would ring people’s doorbells, scurry off into the grass, and bask in their confusion as unsuspecting homeowners opened their door to find no rosy-cheeked child, but a great green apple tree that wasn’t there a minute ago. “Oh my,” I envisioned them saying as they scratched their heads, “where on earth did that apple tree come from? Was that always there?” Then I would let them in on the joke, pause graciously for the round of applause and move on to the next house.

This played out in my mind every single Halloween, but I built it up so much that I was (and am) a little intimidated to try it. Alas, the closest I ever got was a full-body cat outfit, which indeed confused my two cats and my grandpa, but lacked the satisfaction I envisioned my apple tree would give.

You see, my favorite parts of Halloween are the mystery, the youthful spirit and the fact that your only job on this one day is to have fun and, if you’re lucky, treat someone else to a little happiness.

A few things you should know about me

jtal — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 02:30:31 +0000

Yes this is from one of those Facebook-frenzied memes that is sooo two months ago, but it was an exercise that reminded me why I loved blogging. So sue me.

25 Things
1. When I was little, I wanted to BE a cat.
2. I’m a little bit afraid of stairs. I have to be able to see my feet when I go down. I think this is due to my natural lack of balance.
3. I probably have the largest privately-owned collection of nail polish. I keep it in my purple Caboodle circa 1992. This is probably due to my Catholic school upbringing where nail polish was strictly prohibited.
4. Despite my fluctuations in belief, sitting through a Catholic mass in France and in Ireland was amazingly comforting and safe. I love the beautiful, peaceful austerity of a quiet church when no one’s around.
5. I get my cruel sarcasm from my mom, and my goofy inappropriate humor from my dad.
6. I’m kind of a wizard at Excel. And PowerPoint. Most Office products.
7. I love live musical performances.
8. When I was 2, my mom was asked to have me participate in a research experiment. There were 3 stairs of varying heights, each with a box of toys at the top, the goal being to see which set of stairs the toddlers would climb. I sat down on the nearest flight and played with the styrofoam lining the stairs so the kids wouldn’t fall off. The researchers told my mom that my data was unusable.
9. I think maybe I should have been born a gay man. What with the love of Bette Midler and musicals and such.
10. I like being fancy.
11. I totally won the girl’s division in our first grade typing class. I didn’t even practice.
12. I never thought I’d be a dog owner. (But I like it).
13. My biggest pet peeve is when people make intransitive verbs transitive. Like, “Thank you for shopping Kmart,” or “David Copperfield will vanish 18 people from the audience!” My biggest pet peeve also makes me sound like an ass.
14. I wanted to be an interior decorator until my dad told me I was too smart for that.
15. If I could do anything and not worry about money, I’d be a writer. Mostly random thoughts like David Sedaris… I don’t have the patience to form a fully-developed story.
16. I was constantly in awe when I was in France. I couldn’t believe I was actually seeing the things I’d read about, and there was a part of me that believed I could never go.
17. I hate the shape I’ve become.
18. I loved working at a TV station, even though my job was technical and boring. I just liked being around the action.
19. I’m probably thinking “That’s what she said” after 85% of the sentences you say.
20. In high school, I made a pact with my 2 best friends that if we weren’t in serious relationships (or maybe if we hadn’t had a serious relationship) by the time we were 30 we’d go into a convent together. But as that future started to look a little too close I decided I’d rather be a crazy cat lady instead. Because then you don’t have to be good and quiet, and I can throw cats at people.
21. I can’t believe my incredible dumb luck at finding someone who can put up with all this craziness.
22. I saw Star Wars: Phantom Menace 7 times. In the theater.
23. I saw Kid Rock in concert. With my mom. Tenacious D opened.
24. I never thought I’d find a group of friends as amazing as my high school posse until I went to France. I’m so proud of all of my friends and what they’re doing in the world.
25. The most comforting place to me is a bookstore. When I’m really depressed I’ll go browse for an hour or two.

And we’re workin’ on the design here, please be patient.