The Extraordinarily Ordinary » decision-making http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com Thu, 20 May 2010 03:43:38 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 The math of wanting http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2010/05/19/the-math-of-wanting/ http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2010/05/19/the-math-of-wanting/#comments Thu, 20 May 2010 03:15:42 +0000 jtal http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/?p=73 I’ve found a certain pattern in my thought process for wanting something important. Be it a new job, a change of location, a boyfriend, or the crown of a small country, it’s always the same. I think about it, I decide I want it, and that wanting increases to a level which is no longer [...]]]> I’ve found a certain pattern in my thought process for wanting something important. Be it a new job, a change of location, a boyfriend, or the crown of a small country, it’s always the same. I think about it, I decide I want it, and that wanting increases to a level which is no longer tolerable. I’ve outlined this below in Graph 1.

Once the intolerable level is reached, when I can’t stand this life anymore without that different thing, when all my waking hours are spent wanting and my sleeping hours are full of dreams of bloody fields littered with the decimated bodies of everything that stood in my way of attaining that thing… I weigh my options. I think seriously about Doing Something About It. I could send out my resume, apply for a study abroad program, bat my eyelashes like I’m getting paid for it, or plant myself in someone’s castle and hope no one notices for awhile. And here’s the odd part: the more likely it seems that I could attain X (where X does not equal the current Situation), my fear level increases. Fear level, as you can see in Graph B, is directly proportional to the likelihood of X happening. This is where I have The Choice. The Choice is to either run away, like a pansy-ass mofo, so that the fear level decreases and I can crawl back into my moist, warm comfort zone. Moist. Or I can press on through the fear, Do Something About It, and maybe get what I deserve.

Further significant proof

You see, The Choice is up to you — can you go back to the way it was, dissatisfied and wanting, with those gory, sticky dreams, or can you live with the fear, push past it to find out what awaits you in the bright, scary future? I’ve found that, whether I like it or not, I can always tell I’m on the right path when the possibility of success scares the crap out of me.

]]> http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2010/05/19/the-math-of-wanting/feed/ 0 So good bad, so bad good http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2009/08/09/so-good-bad-so-bad-good/ http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2009/08/09/so-good-bad-so-bad-good/#comments Sun, 09 Aug 2009 17:18:46 +0000 jtal http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/?p=44 Have you ever gotten good news that really just made you feel worse than before you heard it?

I’ll give you an example. Two years ago, when I was fresh out of college and fresh out of job prospects, I was asked to come back for a second interview at a “marketing” company up in Indy. [...]]]> Have you ever gotten good news that really just made you feel worse than before you heard it?

I’ll give you an example. Two years ago, when I was fresh out of college and fresh out of job prospects, I was asked to come back for a second interview at a “marketing” company up in Indy. I was super excited — this was the farthest I’d gotten on the hiring process all summer. I drove up in my snappy little suit, and found out I’d be shadowing one of the marketing reps for a full 8-hour day. I proceeded to go on about 15 cold calls to businesses in the outlying Indianapolis areas trying to sell them credit card processing services. At about noon, I thought, “Ok, ok. I could do this. If I really had to, I could do this. Plus there’ll be training for a few weeks, then a shadowing period, so it’s not like I’ll just be thrown into it.” But at the first stop after lunch, I realized, “Hell no. Hell. NOOOOOOOO. I have to get the fuck outta here, this is the worst thing for me ever. There is no way I could do this even for one day. No matter how desperate.”

So we got back to the office, and after a short discussion between the supervisor and the girl I was following all day, they called me in. And offered me the job. On the spot. My stomach fell to my toes, and I squeaked out that I’d need some time. I smiled, shook their hands, got in my car, and started crying hysterically. I pulled over to a McDonald’s to call my bff. Here was a job, a real-life money-making job, here in my hands. This was the farthest I’d gotten after months of rejection. What if there was nothing but this available to me? But how on earth could I force myself to go back there. It was good news that destroyed my fragile emotions. It was confusing…

I eventually calmed down, got in my car, and on the drive home realized what I’d known all along: this was not the job for me. It was just something that could be done by someone with my capabilities. But it wasn’t mine. Mine would come, eventually, and if I had to wait a little longer for it, then so be it. It would be just that much sweeter when I found it.

I recently got some news that — while good and overdue — made me really depressed. I liken it to finding out you’re really good at something you don’t want to be really good at. Like, strangling kittens. I mean, sure, it’s nice to know that you have a certain skill-set, but it doesn’t mean I want to be strangling kittens for the rest of my life.

If a decision is really tearing you up inside, if it makes you nauseous to think about acting on that “good news”, well, you know the answer then, don’t you?

]]> http://www.theextraordinarilyordinary.com/2009/08/09/so-good-bad-so-bad-good/feed/ 0